Sunday, 1 July 2012

An Incident In The Village

On Friday 18th May an incident occurred of a very serious nature in the village, in fact, in our garden.  The acts of skulduggery, deception and brazen theft witnessed had not been seen this side of Ryhall Heath in centuries.  As I watched the events unfold I was horrified but was fortunate enough to capture the perpetrator of the crimes on camera.  

I will let you, the reader, be the judge in this case but I warn you, this thief needs to be caught and a stop put to his (and I suspect his female accomplice') vile misdemeanour's.  We cannot let this type of wanton theft and disregard of another's nest go unpunished in Rutland.

The Scene of The Crime 

A scene of peace and tranquillity

 At approximately 11.00.a.m. on the morning in question, I was calmly and quietly supping on a cup of coffee and munching on a dark chocolate coated, butter biscuit (89p a packet from Lidl and excellent value for money I have to say) when I spotted a commotion in the skies above me.  Two pairs of House Martins were in a right flap as they attempted to gain access to their recently renovated holiday home under our eaves. As you will see from the picture above, one of the dwellings has a small decking extension to the side, we will not go into the in's and out's of whether planning permission was sought from RCC for this extension as this is by the by in relation to the heinous crime that was about to unfold before my eyes.  Mr and Mrs House Martin have young eggs secreted in the depths of their new home and were, justifiably, outraged when a local blaggard decided to enjoy the benefits of their decking extension.  This intrusion was uninvited and totally unwarranted.  Evidence from the photograph below clearly proves that this interloper was 'eyeing' up the contents of Mr and Mrs Martin's house.

Is this the Peeping Tom previous reports has suggested was eyeing up local nests?
Much commotion ensued.  Mr Martin was apoplectic with rage and Mrs Martin shrieked with fear for her young eggs.  Much flapping and shouting was witnessed.  In an attempt to stop this blatant interference Mr and Mrs Martin attempted a fly by swooping calling for assistance from their House Martin neighbours but no amount of tweeting and flapping was going to force this criminal to move.  As the scene unfolded it was clear to see that Mr Sparrow had an accomplice in the form of a ganster's Moll, her innocent demeanour whilst hanging off a local bird feeder did nothing to fool me! 
Do not be fooled by this innocent female hanging around

This brazen hussy was clearly seen chirping words of encouragement to her chav boyfriend with a complete disregard for the distress and panic their actions were causing Mr and Mrs House Martin.  Mr and Mrs House Martin retreated to nearby airspace to re-group and receive counselling from the flying squad.  I was not the only one to witness this outrageous take over bid and am utterly appalled that the bystanders did nothing to intervene during this debacle.  What are countryside gardens coming to? 

How could you sit by and watch? (try going on a diet matey, no one fancies a lardy)
Now I know we have a policy of innocent until proven guilty in our British countryside gardens but I captured irrefutable evidence of this wanton theft on camera and would suggest that anyone living in Pickworth give this dodgy character a wide birth and contact the local RSPB Officer at the earliest opportunity to dob him in.  I do not suggest anyone take the law into their own hands as we do not want to develop a vigilante state in this small corner of Rutland BUT action must be taken as the picture below clearly shows Jack Sparrow in the act of stealing.  Yes stealing! This is a blatant attempt by Jack Sparrow to feather his own nest.  We, the garden owners of Rutland, simply cannot sit by and allow this anarchy to spread through our gardens.

Caught on CCTV (well my camera) the perpetrater in action

Do not be fooled Jack Sparrow we have your card marked, your Highway Man's mask does not fool us.   We will not stand (or sit) idly by and allow you to cause untold emotional damage to unhatched eggs and the poor, innocent parents of these eggs.  

Mr and Mrs House Martin did eventually secure their nest later in the afternoon but at what cost people of Rutland?  We can see from the picture below that Mrs House Martin is showing definite signs of separation anxiety, insisting that Mr House Martin does not leave her unattended on the nest.  The consequences of Jack Sparrow and his floozy’s attempts to break up this happy home will not go unpunished.  I call upon all residents of Pickworth to remove all bird feeders until such time as the Sparrows are punished.  

Mrs HM clearly distressed as Mr HM looks over his shoulder

Peace is restored but for how long?


  1. Great fun & Great photos, well done

  2. No mention of the Mini you have sat on the lawn I see. Hi mother!